This past weekend, I was privileged enough to have the opportunity to volunteer for the Women’s Wellness Retreat at work. There were several aspects of this retreat that were amazing this weekend, but honestly, I don’t have the energy to blog it all tonight…so I will just tell you the beginning.
The first night of the retreat (Friday) we had a yoga session after the opening. The intent of course was to calm us and open us up to God’s sure presence in our lives. Last year, the yoga was so awesome and powerful. I had big expectations for that same calming effect this year.
However, the yoga was very difficult this time. I was not physically comfortable. And here is my super-confession – I have gained back 18 of the 80 pounds I lost since I took those pics in June.
And I feel it, and I see it, and sometimes it runs my thoughts – like while I am sitting in a chair trying to do yoga, and being focused on how my stomach feels bloated and my dress feels a bit tight around my middle. I could NOT focus on entering the peace that is yoga.
All I could do was think about how I’ve failed at sticking to a consistent exercise regiment, and I have taken to drinking soda again and popping the occasional chocolate mini-muffin. I’ve failed myself.
I could feel my legs as I lifted them for the yoga moves. The sense of failure I had created in my head actually convinced me that my legs felt much heavier to lift than before. My flexibility was not the same. My breathing was labored, and I could not tell whether it was because I was so unfit, or because the anxiety was pressuring me to calm myself.
Before I knew it, the yoga was over. I was secretly relieved.
I turned to the women sitting next to me – a return attendee to this retreat. She smiled at me, obviously remembered me from the years past. “Hi. How are you doing. You look like you’ve lost a lot of weight, have you?” She became one of My Angels.
I then heard God’s comforting voice tell me to stop bashing myself and to remember where I have come from…remember how far I have come, and to be at peace with that.
Let me clarify…when I say that I heard God’s voice, I am not some crazy person who hears voices. What I mean is that I had a feeling from deep within my soul…the place of true love and light…the place where God lives within me. It is a feeling so sure that you could not imagine anything more true. It is an amazing experience, possible for anyone.
Anyways, the first night of the retreat certainly calmed me and helped me to realize that I am moving along the path that God has provided for me. Thank you!