Tag Archives: spirituality

Humbled…


humble-heartHumbled seems to be the word of the year.  In every way, humbled.

I must humble myself to write this now, after taking so long away.  And this entire year has been…well, horrifying and amazing.  No other way to describe it.

But I won’t make this a summary.  I am just humbled to God for his care, guidance and love.  I praise and thank him for his answered prayers; and for the pure love and joy lifting my soul…a sensation only God can provide.  In a year full of uncertainty, hardship, and mental chaos, God did provide.  He provided for me, and for Ashton.  He provided for us in so many ways…even when I had nothing to give back but my heart.

My soul is on fire for the Spirit.  I know I am not worthy, but I also know that God is working through me and for me and for those I love.  It is an amazing place to be…particularly when your world has been turned upside down over and over.  I am so grateful for all of the opportunities this year to come to God and surrender.  Surrender is humbling, but also can be mind blowing.  It is amazing the plans God has for us compared to our own attempts of imagining and dreaming.  Make no mistake: You must be open to the blessings and God’s guidance.  But when you are, it is powerful and life changing…no words to describe.

This is one of those moments of thankfulness.  A privileged moment of insight and clarity.

I have been having troubles with Ashton.  He has hit puberty and turned into a monster almost overnight.  He is making a hobby out of testing boundaries and joyfully expressing defiance.  I literally found myself on my knees two weeks ago.  On my knees to God, praying for some sort of help.  Some sort of guidance.  I am so ill equipped for dealing with a 12 year old son hitting puberty.  I don’t even know what is normal…I prayed fiercely for an answer.

Then in less than two weeks, my prayers are answered in multiple ways by multiple people from across the United States.  Now, I don’t mean that Ashton is fixed, and the problem is gone.  That is not what God is all about.  God is about helping us get through the difficult times in life.  He has sent some Angels to interfere and guide.  Some of the people have been part of my life forever.  Some are brand new popping into our lives like magic…out of thin air.  Some are helping and guiding me.  Some are helping and guiding Ashton.  It is like we are all of a sudden surrounded by God’s Angels.  I know there is no magic potion that will help Ashton, but I do know that God is helping.  If God is helping, I know Ashton is going to be okay, and so will I.  I know our Great Father will provide for us, both directly and indirectly through others.  God’s presence strengthens me in the present and helps me vision tomorrow with peace.

For this, I am completely humbled, amazed, and in awe.

My Prayer for YOU Today


Let our inner beauty shine through.

This morning, the spirit moved me to pray with someone (One of My Angels).  I was very nervous to do so, because I always seem to be so nervous at public or personal speaking.  Writing is definitely an easier medium to use.  I wanted to pray with her in person (or rather, via phone, because she is in transit), but I was too afraid to call her and ask to say a quick prayer with her.

So, I closed my eyes and prayed, typing out the words as I felt them.  My intent was to just send a quick email.  Problem solved, mission accomplished, and I didn’t have to leave my own personal comfort zone.

However…as I finished the prayer, and went to click send, the very person about to receive my prayer email, called me!  Evidently, God had other plans for me and wanted me to face that inner challenge…to face the real reason of why I was afraid to pray it with her in person.  Together, we prayed over the phone.  I hope my nervous words carried their heartfelt intent through the lines of communication.  🙂

In that spirit, I prayed the prayer again with YOU in mind.  All of you who are reading my blog, or are supporting my life decisions, molding my future and nurturing my soul.  Thank you for being who you are in my life.  I am praying that God send Angels to each of you for guidance and love and encouragement and hope.  I would like to share my prayer (i.e. Spiritual wishes from a Baptist Monk)  with YOU also…

Dear Heavenly Father,
May Your light shine from within deep in our souls;
from the place You reside within our earthly bodies.  
May it spring forth hope along our journeys and struggles
and mold our human tendencies and capabilities;
May it be seen by others so that we may be an example
of Your beautiful grace and unconditional love;
and share the message of being good help to all in need
just as did Jesus.  AMEN.

First Day of Graduate School


Everyone kept asking me if I was nervous.  Heck, it’s only been 11 years since I got my Bachelors…can’t be too bad.

btw, my Mommy sent me an email from her blackberry asking for a “first day of school” picture!<3 My heart melted right then.  Sweet…but was I nervous?

Well, a lot is different now.  Everything is electronic.  I don’t own any of the fancy iThingies or eReaders or whatever.  And Renting books is now an option?  We used to call that a cork board at the student center back when I was in college.  Typing during class would have been considered horribly rude…back then.

I was only mildly frazzled when I realized that I had 12 chapters to read and a several page personal assessment to complete before the first day of class, and the bookstore didn’t have my books, and then was closed for what seemed like forever! (Still don’t have 2 of my 4 books!)

Ok, so there was quite a bit to be nervous about.  But I wasn’t.

Right now, I am personally a mess!  Why else would I be blogging?  seriously?

On one level, I can’t wait to absorb every morsel of information (btw, one class this term is Family Counseling), and use it to help my family through this mess of a life I have made for them.

Wow.  I just said it.

Anyways, I have my “own agenda” planned for this educational journey I have embarked upon.

Then, I look at the professional side of it.  Truly, I have always been a counselor or mother to people.  It seems to be so instilled in me that I now could not imagine anything else.  Because, see…my ULTIMATE goal is to be able to use what I learn help me have more knowledge about counseling and relational dynamics when I begin my independent living foster care home.  (I would be lying to you if I said it wouldn’t be named Mama’s House or something similar.)

I have my “own agenda” once again.

In the meantime, I work in a vocations office at a convent.  How would the skills of counseling NOT be beneficial in several real and potential opportunities?  No pressure from work to get the skills, or to do well.  I just get to use what I am already learning.  Bonus!

What it all boils down to, is that I have no deadlines to finish…no pressures to do well.  For me, the Masters degree at the end seems like it would be the icing on the cake.

THEN…

Add the fact that I LOVE this stuff.  I love the “hows” of why people function and how to help them and how to help myself and my own family.  Throw a spiritual twist on it all, and how is that not Paradise?

Exactly.  I was not nervous about tonight.  I was excited.

Well, that is “my version” of the story.  I think God has another version…last year, while volunteering at the Women’s Wellness Retreat where I work, I had an epiphany.  I had been wanting for years to get my Masters, but never could decide on a field.  That Saturday night, deep in contemplation, I heard God’s voice whisper in my ear.

I have always loved psychology, but never liked the clinical aspect.  I literally never knew that a degree in Pastoral Counseling existed…until that weekend.

After I heard God’s whisper, I went down to my office (convenient, huh?) and looked up a degree on spiritual counseling and ended up at Loyola.  When I read the description of the degree program, I realized what was right.  Right then, at that very moment.  It was such a celebration of emotion.  So, this afternoon, when I walked onto campus, that elation was with me.  I knew it was right.

I knew I was on the path God provided.

I knew I was there to learn.

And I was excited to absorb.

God’s way was even more announced when I realized that this very weekend, beginning TOMORROW, is the Women’s Wellness Retreat, at which I will be volunteering once again.

See?  It doesn’t matter how I try to justify it…if it is God’s will, it shall be done.  THAT is why I was not nervous.  God’s honest truth!  😉