It has been one of those mornings where nothing seems to have gone right. I woke up late, so Ashton missed his bus, and then I had to chase Cupcake around the parking lots this morning.
So, when I pulled in to work and saw the full parking lots, I realized I was going to have to walk in from the “back 40” and there was no chance of being on time. It was like God was telling me, no forcing me, to be in His light for a morning meditation while absorbing the healing light of our earthly sun. I needed to pump up my heart rate and create some natural energy. I needed to find a moment of peace and calm before continuing my day.
He even provided what I needed. I realized I had my big scarf on and could wrap it around my wet head for protection against the Winnie-the-Pooh-like blistery winds. I glanced over to the passenger seat of the van and saw the bottle of water from last night that I had not finished. It was nice and cold from being in the car overnight, and would help if I began choking halfway up the hill (This kind of weather likes to play with my bronchial asthma).
No excuses. Just a morning walk in the sunshine. I so needed that!
Long story short, heck, what am I saying? I like to talk…so here goes.
Last week, my first course teacher told us that the class was a “hybrid” class, which evidently means you don’t meet at the campus each week. Instead, you work as small groups online, via phone, and in person, if needed, and meet only once a month or so. (All new college concept to me!)
Thus, this week, our class didn’t meet, which in turn meant that I didn’t have to leave work early.
Of course, I still left early for school, because I FORGOT the class didn’t meet! – I had already left when I remembered!
Because my first class doesn’t meet tonight, I thought my second class started at 6:30. At about 6:38, I come running around the corner and down the halls on the third floor at Loyola, and I walk up to my classroom.
As I peer through the window, I see my Professor, engrossed in lecture.
CRAP! Late as usual AND he has already started. There was even a PowerPoint already glaring across the screen in front. I didn’t even take a moment to breathe, I just rushed in (as quietly as a Sunshine is capable of being).
I spun around without making any eye contact, so as not to admit the guilt of coming into class late. However, as I am spinning, I realize that my Professor has stopped lecturing and was staring at me.
Double CRAP! He stopped the lecture to acknowledgethat I had come into class late!
I mumbled, “Hi.”
As I heard him say, “Hi, Sunshine“I realized there were a LOT more students sitting in the chairs than are in my entire class. Think about it.
CRIBBITY CRAP! “Oh, sorry.” I mumbled. As the giggles began, I spun a graceful, very non-swan-like spin and took shelter in the peaceful hallway. I had completed interrupted another class. (For those that are wondering, I was NOT naked. haha)
I was not late at all. I was early.
Did I emphasize that he used my name? Imagine if you were IN that class…none of them know that my name is Sunshine. Some frazzled woman interrupts your class, and your Professor stops, and then says hi, Sunshine?! WTH is what they would be thinking…that he called her a goofy name to emphasize that she was clearly in the wrong room.
Once I left, I wondered if my Professor explained that Sunshine was my name and/or may have mentioned me being the Baptist Monk named Sunshine that recruits Catholic Nuns…which happened to be how I introduced myself in class last week (How could I not? My work group consisted of a Catholic Priest from India, a Jesuit Priest from Poland, and a female neo-pagan minister. I had no choice but to be who I am.)
Even if my Professor did not elaborate, “Sunshine” has now been linked to me…a very frazzled woman, who is clearly lost.
These were my thoughts as I wandered to the student area to sit at a table. The guy who watched me walk into, and then out of the wrong classroom- was sitting at the table next to me. There was a little slap in the face.
I sat at the table, with my head hunched over a book, tears streaming down my face. No, not just because of this one series of incidences, but because of the culmination of struggles I have been facing. Feelings of failure. Always being late and feeling like . I tried to hide them from everyone. Especially the guy sitting next to me, who had a front seat view of the catastrophe. Oh good grief…please do NOT let one of these counselor students try to come help me right now. I am surrounded by students of Pastoral or Spiritual Counseling. If someone even so much as makes eye contact with me right now, I will completely lose it.
So, I started with my breathing…slow and calm. I just focused on it. Then, I went into some meditative thought (Something I adapted from one of the women’s wellness classes I took last weekend).
Within moments, I was fine. Class was great!
It was however, a real, true, Bridget Jones kind of moment. 🙂