Tag Archives: humbled

Humbled…


humble-heartHumbled seems to be the word of the year.  In every way, humbled.

I must humble myself to write this now, after taking so long away.  And this entire year has been…well, horrifying and amazing.  No other way to describe it.

But I won’t make this a summary.  I am just humbled to God for his care, guidance and love.  I praise and thank him for his answered prayers; and for the pure love and joy lifting my soul…a sensation only God can provide.  In a year full of uncertainty, hardship, and mental chaos, God did provide.  He provided for me, and for Ashton.  He provided for us in so many ways…even when I had nothing to give back but my heart.

My soul is on fire for the Spirit.  I know I am not worthy, but I also know that God is working through me and for me and for those I love.  It is an amazing place to be…particularly when your world has been turned upside down over and over.  I am so grateful for all of the opportunities this year to come to God and surrender.  Surrender is humbling, but also can be mind blowing.  It is amazing the plans God has for us compared to our own attempts of imagining and dreaming.  Make no mistake: You must be open to the blessings and God’s guidance.  But when you are, it is powerful and life changing…no words to describe.

This is one of those moments of thankfulness.  A privileged moment of insight and clarity.

I have been having troubles with Ashton.  He has hit puberty and turned into a monster almost overnight.  He is making a hobby out of testing boundaries and joyfully expressing defiance.  I literally found myself on my knees two weeks ago.  On my knees to God, praying for some sort of help.  Some sort of guidance.  I am so ill equipped for dealing with a 12 year old son hitting puberty.  I don’t even know what is normal…I prayed fiercely for an answer.

Then in less than two weeks, my prayers are answered in multiple ways by multiple people from across the United States.  Now, I don’t mean that Ashton is fixed, and the problem is gone.  That is not what God is all about.  God is about helping us get through the difficult times in life.  He has sent some Angels to interfere and guide.  Some of the people have been part of my life forever.  Some are brand new popping into our lives like magic…out of thin air.  Some are helping and guiding me.  Some are helping and guiding Ashton.  It is like we are all of a sudden surrounded by God’s Angels.  I know there is no magic potion that will help Ashton, but I do know that God is helping.  If God is helping, I know Ashton is going to be okay, and so will I.  I know our Great Father will provide for us, both directly and indirectly through others.  God’s presence strengthens me in the present and helps me vision tomorrow with peace.

For this, I am completely humbled, amazed, and in awe.

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A Lesson in Judgment and Compassion


My best friend in high school said I was a snob to her for two years before we became friends.  I honestly didn’t even remember meeting her until we became friends.  I thought for sure that she was mistaken.  I was sure I was not a snob.

In my lifetime, I have met people and had friends who have had to make choices that I would never have made, some of which could be considered illegal, immoral, or both.  I never understood why people “liked” to or “chose” to live like that.  In the back of my head, I have just chalked that kind of behavior up to “personality.”

I know…pretty judgmental, huh?  Especially coming from someone (me) who cares TOO MUCH about what everyone thinks of her.

Well, let me tell you what!  The past few years have knocked me to the ground, made me beg, and then continued to kick while I was trying to get up.  It almost feels like I have been proverbially balled up in the fetal position for two years, trying to protect myself and my kids and grandkids.  Now, realize this, I do have a great job and a good salary, and I thank my Good Lord Jesus for that!  BUT, there were times when it was not so easy to be the sole provider for a family of 5, on top of other stresses and health issues.

I had to learn how to rely on someone else, or even groups of someone else.  I know what it is like to have strangers give you toys for your children (grandchildren) at Christmas, and was thankful for their kindnesses, prayers, and I now know what a food pantry looks like, and was grateful for it’s existence.  I have made decisions that I never thought I would have to make, but I had no other choice, because some situations called for a decision for the lesser of two evils.  If I met me a few months ago, well, let’s not go there!

Learning, growing, and becoming a better person. Follow the transformation at sunnimonk.com or get inspired on facebook

I have been humbled in so many different ways, but only recently realized that I WAS a snob (kind of).  Not because I thought I was better than someone else (I hope), but because I categorized people under circumstances, not as people.  If someone was in a certain situation, financially or otherwise, it must be a result of their own decisions, and sometimes it really is.  HOWEVER, that does not make the situation less difficult, nor does it make a person “bad” and it certainly DOES NOT disqualify them from needing help or assistance; love or hope.

Separating a person from their life’s situation(s) is one of the most enlightening things I have learned in my recent contemplations.  Admittedly, I have come to this realization by watching a show called, “Breaking Bad” (which totally rocks!)  Sociologically speaking, I am so fascinated by what this man has done…how far desperation has driven him. 

Very interesting…I have been in desperate situations as well, and have made choices that were not always the best.  Guess what?  That means I am human, not a “bad” person. 

All of this time, I am ashamed of having to even admit that I have had difficulties, and stresses as deep as I have…I FEARED being judged by friends and family.  That sort of reaction is familiar to me because… 

I have looked my nose down on people, including some of my dearest friends.  I have feared the same sort of response from friends and family…and I have gotten it in some cases.  I realized I don’t want to be the type of person who is so judgemental of a PERSON based on a situation.  Instead…Think first about the person, what they might be experiencing.  Think about how you can help or encourage them.  Extend a helping hand, without the shackles of judgement.  Help ANYWAYS! 

This, my friends, is what we call COMPASSION.  And I want to start living a more compassionate life.

A Very Good Cleansing


Sometimes, God takes us into troubled waters…not to drown us, but to cleanse us.

I must need a very good cleansing! 🙂

Whether I joke or not, I am also on a spiritual journey. In my viewpoint, you cannot truly be healthy without a healthy spirituality (no, I am NOT talking about religion…if you don’t know the difference, wiki it).

There is one thing that I know…the past two years have kicked my butt. When I wrote a list of all of our family struggles, I was amazed at what we had survived and overcome.

I also know, within my heart of hearts, that all of the hard times have a purpose. I am growing spiritually (AND shrinking…haha), I am being humbled, I am learning a firsthand lesson on compassion.  I have been brought to my knees.  BUT (and that is a big, Zumba-hurtin’ “but”):

Without the tough times,

you can never experience the happy times,

because you simply won’t recognize them!

I can think of women in my lifetime who lived lives of very little “stress” or life upheaval because they were taken care of, had great kids, a busy but wonderful husband…but they felt like they had never lived.  Their whole lives went along skippingly.  That is certainly NOT ME!  (Is it you?)

Or at least, it hasn’t been me since the past two years.  Looking back, even with the pain and struggle, I can also see some of the BEST moments of my entire life.  The summer that I had both boys, James and Ashton, AND the grandkids, Delle and Bubba, living with me was AWESOME!  It was the kind of family summer that I dreamt of having when I was a little girl.  Our family truly connected, despite all else. 

Lord, I accept the cleansing, please help me to be open to seeing the blessings instead of the struggles!  Amen.