I must humble myself to write this now, after taking so long away. And this entire year has been…well, horrifying and amazing. No other way to describe it.
But I won’t make this a summary. I am just humbled to God for his care, guidance and love. I praise and thank him for his answered prayers; and for the pure love and joy lifting my soul…a sensation only God can provide. In a year full of uncertainty, hardship, and mental chaos, God did provide. He provided for me, and for Ashton. He provided for us in so many ways…even when I had nothing to give back but my heart.
My soul is on fire for the Spirit. I know I am not worthy, but I also know that God is working through me and for me and for those I love. It is an amazing place to be…particularly when your world has been turned upside down over and over. I am so grateful for all of the opportunities this year to come to God and surrender. Surrender is humbling, but also can be mind blowing. It is amazing the plans God has for us compared to our own attempts of imagining and dreaming. Make no mistake: You must be open to the blessings and God’s guidance. But when you are, it is powerful and life changing…no words to describe.
This is one of those moments of thankfulness. A privileged moment of insight and clarity.
I have been having troubles with Ashton. He has hit puberty and turned into a monster almost overnight. He is making a hobby out of testing boundaries and joyfully expressing defiance. I literally found myself on my knees two weeks ago. On my knees to God, praying for some sort of help. Some sort of guidance. I am so ill equipped for dealing with a 12 year old son hitting puberty. I don’t even know what is normal…I prayed fiercely for an answer.
Then in less than two weeks, my prayers are answered in multiple ways by multiple people from across the United States. Now, I don’t mean that Ashton is fixed, and the problem is gone. That is not what God is all about. God is about helping us get through the difficult times in life. He has sent some Angels to interfere and guide. Some of the people have been part of my life forever. Some are brand new popping into our lives like magic…out of thin air. Some are helping and guiding me. Some are helping and guiding Ashton. It is like we are all of a sudden surrounded by God’s Angels. I know there is no magic potion that will help Ashton, but I do know that God is helping. If God is helping, I know Ashton is going to be okay, and so will I. I know our Great Father will provide for us, both directly and indirectly through others. God’s presence strengthens me in the present and helps me vision tomorrow with peace.
For this, I am completely humbled, amazed, and in awe.