Category Archives: Uncategorized

Zumba, it’s on!


I am ready to dive into working on Goal 2, which is to lose 50 pounds and be under 200 pounds!  My friend drug me to a free Zumba class a few months ago.  Although I couldn’t keep up, and thought I would die, I LOVED IT!  I love to dance, I love latin rhythm and music.  What’s not to love?

image
Zumba will help me lose the next 50 pounds!

So, my birthday splurge (albiet late) was the Zumba video set.  I am totally stoked!  I tried out the Step by Step video this past weekend.  After about an hour, I was wondering when it would quit.  At least I made it that far! 

Since I didn’t lose the first 80 pounds with consistent exercise, I feel very out of shape.  I have always been very strong, but my stamina is nil!   Each night, I will do what I can for the first two weeks.  That is all it will take before it becomes much easier for me. 

Have you been through this?  How did you start your exercise or workout program (maybe not even to lose weight, but to tone, or even build muscle)?

Advertisements

80 Pounds Lost!!! Goal 1 is COMPLETE


Admittedly, I got here over a span of two years, and with a great deal of stress, a divorce and a few kindly kidney stones.  But, it is still 80 pounds lost.  Over the two years, there would be months of high motivation, and months of very little effort.

As I was unpacking this past weekend, I was going through some pictures…looking at them for the “first time”, if you will.  I found some pictures at my largest weight, 328 pounds (did I actually just type that number into a blog post?!?!)  That is, 328 pounds on a girl who only stands 5’1″.  

It’s okay.  Say it…WHOA!  That is what I said.  When I showed some family members, ALL of them individually said, Wow, I didn’t realize you got that big.”

Well, neither had I.  I mean, I knew, but I was in some serious denial…up until yesterday.  When I finally decided to face myself in the mirror.  All I could see was the work that needed to be done.  I could not see the difference from the 80 pounds…until I saw the pictures.

With each image, I realized how far I had already come.  WOW!  Talk about motivation to really get in gear and get fit!

That said, I am pumped up for the NEXT GOAL OF 50 POUNDS, which specifically means that I will be under 200 pounds.  I have not seen those numbers since high school! 

All of my friends and family who are encouraging me, please keep it up.  I cannot do this alone, and I love to hear your stories or even just brief inspirational messages.  If you want me to share some with you, let me know!

PICS WILL BE POSTED IN A FEW DAYS!

Moving sucks!


Friday afternoon, we found out that we could not get the power on in the new apartment, because BGE could not get out there to turn it on until Thursday of this week, which kind of left us scrambling for some alternatives.  (This particular apt. complex turns power off between tenants, forcing BGE to have to physically come to the property and turn it back on…it could not just be switched over.)  Plus, I had not had anyone who could help us this weekend – Everyone I knew had other plans, or was stuck babysitting generators, etc from the weekend’s storms.

Then, I ended up vomiting, in pain and sick from about 3 am Saturday morning.  I could not get out of bed all day on Saturday, MOVING DAY!  I was so nauseous, I couldn’t speak (all I could do is writhe and pray!).  I thought I might have caught the stomach bug that had been going around.  I was hoping it would ease up as the day went by and I could get to work.  

In the meantime, We could not get into the apt. until this weekend now, anyways.  Third floor, no ac, no fridge, food, etc. and a deadline…  Just couldn’t happen.  So, James secured a storage unit and used our van to start taking loads of stuff to the unit.  He also went ahead and took Ashton to his dad’s house for the week (another wonderful blessing!)

At some point, James stopped at the Shell/Highs near our house and asked the clerk if she knew anyone who could come help us out and we would pay them what we could…so her and her boyfriend came over at 5 on Sat to help some.  At 9 when they left, James took me to the er, because the nausea and minimal pain had not subsided at all.  By 5 am Sunday morning, it was determined that I had a colitis (colon infection) and the beginnings of a uti.  They had given me some anti nausea medication and mild pain medication and sent me home.  

On Sunday, I woke up praying that God would just give me the strength I needed to get through the day, to move what had to be moved, and get done what had to be done.  James had to work, so it was just me and the one 20 year old (Colton) from Shell moving loads on Sunday until 4, when James and Colton’s girlfriend, Bridgett got off work.  We plugged away Sunday evening and Monday. 

I have made many, many moves in my lifetime.  Interstate and otherwise.  NEVER have I had a move go this badly.  It has been the worst (although, ironically, it has also been the most blessed!!)

At this point, everything is either in storage or the back of my van.  Cupcake is spending a few nights with her new best friends, Bridgett and Colton, and Freckles is staying under my legs at this moment (although I need to go ahead and have him “put down” this week – that is a whole other rant!)  Ashton is with his dad.  All is “handled.”

Except, I still need to call BGE to make sure we didn’t get severely bumped because of all the storm damage around the state.  Say a prayer!

 

How do you like YOUR pancakes?


Let me just paint a picture for you of my most recent Friday night…

I was relaxing on Friday evening, all stretched out and happy.  My darling son, James (the 26 year old) decided to be an awesome son and make pancakes for supper, and discussed those plans with me.

“I have to run up to the corner store and get syrup.  Then, I put syrup in the freezer for you so that it can be cold.  See?  You don’t even realize all of the little things I do for you to have YOUR pancakes,” James admitted. (I am a Very picky eater.)

“Thank you.”  I added, “I love pancakes with cold syrup.”

“I know.  But I don’t,” James said.  If I use cold syrup, my pancakes get too cold too soon.”

I followed his comment with, “I don’t put all of the syrup on at one time, I like to put a little bit on a fraction of the pancakes, eat that section.  Once those few bites are gone, I will put a little more syrup on another little fraction of pancakes.  Then, I get cold syrup on every bite, and my pancakes don’t get soggy.”  I smiled, thinking about how yummy his pancakes are!  “I love how you overcook the edges, so they are crispy.  And the middle is cooked enough.  I don’t like them cakey in the middle, or mushy from butter and syrup.”

James responded, “I love them thick and cakey.  I like to pour the syrup over top of the stack and let it sit and soak in for a few minutes.  Then, when you take a bite, there is no syrup on the pancakes underneath, but the pancakes on top are saturated.  It all works out in the end, and you end up with a perfect bite.”

I gasped.  “Ew!  I could not eat mushy pancakes.  Yech.”

This is about the time when I looked at him, and he looked at me, and we both realized simultaneously how pitiful we were!  I could not believe how much effort and focus we had invested in strategizing the perfect bite of pancakes…and they were JUST PANCAKES!  Do we do this for every meal?  DoIdo this for every meal?  Is this healthy and normal?

I looked at James, shaking my head.  “Bubba, if we spent even a fraction of our pancake strategizing time on positive things, just think of how much we could change the world!”  HAHA we laughed.

But really, I was only half joking.  I realized how much importance I put on food.  Do you do this too?

Way to go, Bubba


I won’t hide it…I come from a family of Bubbas.  Growing up, my Aunt Lorie called her brother Bubba.  Her brother was my step dad.  My little brother, 14 years younger than me, was also called Bubba.  My oldest son, adopted from foster care, was nicknamed Bubba, not long after he came to live with us at age 15.  He also nicknamed his son, James, Bubba. 

In fact, James and I laugh about that a lot.  James is only 11 years younger than me, so people always look at me funny when I say he’s my kid.  Ashton, my other son is 16 years younger than James. And James has two children, also known as my grandchildren, Edelle, age 5, and James who is about to turn 4.

Now picture Ashtons redneck I-shirt: Bubba is my uncle, my brother, and my nephew.   Ha ha

Anyways, back to the actual reason for the post.  I wanted to publicly thank and applaud, as well as congratulate, Bubba Watson, who won the golf Master thingy today.  Ok, so I don’t follow golf, but I do appreciate when someone is in a position to influence and chooses to do good things.

Influence is a superpower.  The thing is, once you find yourself in a position of influencing another, do you use that power for good or for evil?  Do you try to help people change their lives for the better?  Or do you manipulate people to gain something for yourself? 

Listening to the story of Bubba, I would like to thank him for using his influence in a positive way. He is a self taught golf player who has not had one lesson in his lifetime. He is a natural phenomenon. He shocked everybody by winning the Masters title.

He announces openly on his fb that he is christian, a husband, and I think it said father too. In an interview, he said he gets to play golf for a living and it also gives him a chance to give to others.

Thank you to Bubba Watson for using your influence to help others…the world needs more people like you.

I hope, if ever I am placed again into that very-important role of influencer (???) I will be able to stand firm in my beliefs and values and act in a way that changes lives (my own life included).

Depression


Should I actually admit it? To my family? To my friends? To my coworkers? To the general public all around the world?

I am depressed. I cannot control it. I am ashamed, and I afraid of being judged.  I don’t want to be thought of as weak.

So, what am I going to do about it? Well, I started by going to my family doctor last week. He has prescribed a lightweight medication to start and recommended regular exercise (also on my transformation list, for other reasons).

I also need to be more openminded about what depression means. I don’t want to be pressured by what John Q. Public “thinks” depression means. I don’t know why depression has the big back cloud over it that it does. BAHAHA  I think we all fall prey to this kind of thing over the span of a lifetime.  I simply don’t want it to consume me…

Now, I have found this really cool website with some helpful resources (http://www.12step.com/articles/12-step-lifestyle/12-step-program-depression). At first glance of http://www.depressedanon.com, it seemed way over what I needed. Then I saw it! A 12-step plan for depression? Who knew, right?! I think I might check this out.

Focus on me…I’m worth it!


One step…a very important step…of my transformation is to focus on me.  Sounds simple enough, maybe even greedy.

Let me tell you a quick little story about a girl.  When she was 15, she fell deeply and madly in love with an adorable cuban boy from brooklyn.  He fell in love with her too.  Their love was so pure and honest that it scared the girl away…many times.  But living without him was unbearable, and the girl would be brave and go back to him begging for his love.  Undeniably, he would take her into his arms once again.

This went on for years, until they stopped returning each others calls.

Lets just say that I can relate to this girls life…except for the parts that sound really pitiful.

I have been talking to him again through facebook for about four years now, and recently might have had a deja-rendez-vous (you’ll have to buy the book for those deets!  haha)

Realize this, he lives 900 miles away and is not in a position to begin a relationship.  We have had some amazing discussions and he has been there for me – to pull me off the proverbial windowledge a few times.  I never realized before how well he knows me.  He has been a wonderful blessing as a friend.  But anything more than that is not possible right now and I am finding myself upset over that.  But not for the right reasons. 

In the shower this morning, I was thinking about how I felt about the entire situation between him and me.  It seems like his feelings for me fluctuate like the tides.  One day he is all twitterpated, and the next day he is…just him.  His freaking responses are so up and down.  Then, it hit me.  I realized I have been “reading into” every conversation.  He is the one who has been consistent.  I am the one who has been off her rocker!  It is so intensely self-centered, isn’t it?  Truely, I don’t “need” him.  I don’t need anyone but God and myself.  Relationships can never be based on that kind of need, because it is not healthy. It is not fair to him, and it certainly won’t get me anywhere but ultimately heartbroken. 

So, I am forced to open my eyes once again to the reality of the situation…

My point is this…realistically speaking…I have nothing to offer anyone right now.  I am a mess, and I don’t particularly like myself very much.

I think this is where a lot of people might head for a rebound relationship our some sort of emotionally supportive relationship.  I feel like I can’t live without him.  I feel like I can’t breathe without him…I glow just to heart his voice.  He knows me better than any other man I’ve ever known.  While all of this might be true on some level, and a relationship might be inevitable…or hell, it could be poppycock.  Either way, it is not what is best for me right now. 

Right now, I need to put all of my energy and hopes into myself.  Right now, I figure that if I pour all of my energy into him and loving him, and forming a relationship with him, I will never fully be able to find myself and move forward in a positive way.  I have spent so, so, so many years trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be…perhaps because I was so afraid of just being myself.  In fact, I now believe that I would intentionally pour myself into those around to AVOID being myself.  How crazy is that?!  Now, don’t get me wrong, he is an amazing friend and I will always love him dearly…but…

I think I deserve some of my love and attention.  I am worth it.  Right now, I have to be more important than others in my life (with the exception of my 9-year old son!!!).   

I have all of these dreams for my future.  I want to have a foster care group home one day, where I can help kids to transition into living on their own successfully after foster care.  I want to write a book (or 10?) and get published…in a way that helps others.  I feel like God has an immense plan for me.  I know I am not there right now.  And I know that everything I am going through, all experience that I gain, all tribulations that I overcome are all for the purpose of God’s plan for me. 

But I strongly feel that God is calling me to work on myself.  I cannot help anyone else properly, if I can’t even help myself, right?  If God thinks I deserve it, perhaps I should too…

Now I just have to remember that I feel this way the next time I get caught up in the emotion!