Category Archives: Setbacks

Repeated Failure OR Why I Eat

Cupcake contemplates Domino’s too. She loves those garlic knot thingies.

The thing about setting goals, is that there will always be failure.  over and over failure.  Especially when you are setting LIFE ALTERING goals.  Losing weight is not just the simple goal of ridding yourself of excess “stuff.”  It is a battle that can sometimes consume you (pardon the pun) moment to moment.

And because each moment takes sheer, life-altering strength, each moment also possesses potential for failure.

Each moment is a struggle that is physical, emotional, sometimes spiritual.  Oh please, have you never gotten in the guilt battle with your self because you are not treating your body like a temple to God:  It is His gift to me, and I have all of my fingers and toes and am very fortunate, but I don’t even show my appreciation to God by eating healthy?  It is even better when reinforced my “those who love you.”

Sometimes the struggle is about happiness.  I feel so miserable right now, but I know that garlic knot thingy from Domino’s will make me happy.  Even for just a moment.  Now, tell me how that CANNOT result in a massive battle between why you make food so important in your life, and why you cannot seem to be capable of making your own self happy.

Sometimes it is physical.  And by physical, I mean both perceived and real physical struggles.  Sometimes there is this deep hunger that is just that…feeling hungry.  No matter what you do or don’t do, the feeling never feels satiated.  You can eat yourself sick, and you still have hunger pangs.  What the hell is that?!  Seems kind of not fair.  But that is the way it is sometimes.  They feel very REAL, whether or not they are perceived.

THEN, you have everything else to still worry about on top of it.  Consistently being judged and criticized…by YOUR OWN SELF, by others, always feeling like you are failing everyone because your focus is always set on that internal hunger struggle.  It really can be consuming.

I just read back…guess I might be changing the title of this one, because I seem to have gotten sidetracked.  lol  typical me.  Love me for my rant, I suppose.

Back to the failures at hand…

Admitting failure is another internal struggle for me.  Avoiding admitting failure is more my style.  I have this wonderful website that helps me to track my weight loss goals, and food, and other statistics. in case you are interested.

I am GREAT at tracking everything, when  I am doing everything right, which is NOT very often.  (It is very hard to work on NOT eating, while ALSO working on getting your overly heavy bottom off the couch and moving it!  Those are two totally different beasts within).

Oops, speaking of failure…pizza is here.  Talk to you later!  🙂

Top 10 Life Lessons Learned by Playing Super Mario Bros.

10. Keep a Positive Attitude. 

It is just poor sportsmanship to get angry and throw down your game controller. Instead of resulting in a won battle, all you will end up with is a broken controller. Life is the same way. A positive attitude will get you much further than an angry, impatient attitude.

9. Be Adaptable.

Our technology driven world now requires us to constantly adapt. It is not wise to become an expert in only one field. Instead, diversify your experience so that you can better adapt to change or crisis. Don’t be afraid to go to your arsenal and use the tools and experiences you have earned.

8. Look for Patterns.

Don’t reinvent the wheel. Look for ways to maximize productivity and minimize effort. Once you have had experience with a certain situation, use that experience the next time that type of situation arises. Eventually, you will become an expert at that particular challenge. Seek opportunities that match your experience so that you can excel.

7. Persistence and Perseverance are Key!

It is pretty rare in life to excel and succeed at everything you do on your first try. More realistically, remember that you may have to do something several times before succeeding. Learn from your mistakes and try something different the next time around until you figure out what works for you. Do not give up, do not give in. Be persistent in your efforts, and before you know it, you will be an expert at that task.

6. Don’t Waste Time on Fruitless Efforts.

If you keep hitting the brick wall with your head and getting nowhere, move on. Chances are, you are missing out on a whole-lotta something good when you are focused on goals that lead nowhere.

5. Collect Experience.

As you move through life, be aware of each situation you face. Take from each situation the experience you gained, either from failing and learning from your mistakes, or from having achieved your goal. Those experiences will make you a more seasoned player, wiser than before.

4. Stash Away for your Future.

It is not wise to use all of your resources as you get them. Make a strategic plan to stash away as much as possible. Use only what is needed. You never know when you will face a serious challenge in life that will try to drain you of your resources and energies. Planning for potential catastrophes will prepare you for the battles you will face.

3. Plan Ahead.

Don’t wander aimlessly through life, because something will inevitably take you by surprise and squash you. Take a moment to identify all external factors around you. Are there any foreseeable roadblocks? Are there any foreseeable opportunities? How can you keep yourself safe while taking advantage of the opportunities?

2. Set Goals.

You can plan all you want, but without a goal, you will go nowhere. Determine where it is that you want to be…that is your short term goal.

1. Seek Opportunity.

To achieve greatness in life, you must do more than merely survive. Around every corner and behind every brick wall lay hidden opportunities. Scout them out and take advantage of them.

For my full list of Life Lessons, or to view an adaptation of the above, click below to download a .pdf:

Everything I learned about LIFE, I learned by playing Super Mario Bros by Sunshine E. Monk
Everything I learned about BUSINESS, I learned by playing Super Mario Bros by Sunshine E. Monk
Everything I learned about SALES, I learned by playing Super Mario Bros. Written by Sunshine E. Monk





Back in Black

I have spent 37 years of my life making excuses.  NO MORE!  I am not on a weight loss expedition…obviously, that one failed.  After all, my last blog entry was in 2009 for goodness sakes.  Now, I AM happy to report that I have lost and kept off 60 pounds since the beginning of the blog, but I still a looonnnngggg way to go.

Like I said, I am not here to lose weight.  I am here for TRANSFORMATION!  From the inside out!  A lot, and I mean, A LOT, has occurred in my life since the last blogs.  I feel myself going through somewhat of a mid-life crisis…oh the times, they are-a changin’.  I have been on this three year roller coaster ride, which has left me contemplating life in general.

To sum it up, I got temporary custody of my two grandchildren; then my 25 year old son moved up to help me with his children; then came the separation and eventual divorce from my husband of 15 years; financial struggles; kidney stones; landlord committed suicide leaving us looking for a home; husband dating my friend at work (now talking about marriage and taking our 9 year old son ring shopping – isn’t it bad enough that he wants to go live with them?!); broken teeth coupled with excruciating pain; lack of a sex life; an old boyfriend in Florida offering love/support, and potentially empty promises;  after nearly 18 months of living with me and my son – their father – my grandchildren were then “legally kidnapped” by their mother once she was released from jail after her 2-3 month homeless crime-spree across the US with her drugged-out boyfriend and third child;  She would not allow us to see or speak to them for 6 months, leaving us fearing for their safety and well-being; more financial stress;  all resulting in a long, slow, gradual lapse into depression.  Oh yeah, and did I mention that I am overweight!!??  (ok, I am done whining)

I have been trying to stay too strong for too long.  Last week it was like I finally woke up.  And I was in a deep hole, looking up.  All I could see were the faces of everyone in my life, people I truly feel like I have let down.  It was as if they were all asking me, “Hey, what are you doing in a hole?  Why are you there?”  All along, I hadn’t even known I was there.  That is what depression is like…for me, at least.  It is gradual.  Things begin to get overwhelming, and within a few months, I am avoiding anything that could even remotely be overwhelming.  I don’t even go into my kitchen anymore…partly because my now 26-year old son is a slob and leaves the nastiest messes, and partly because the very sight of dishes overwhelms me. 

I can make it through my work day, but by the time I get home, I am completely wiped out.  I don’t want to move, I just want to sit or lay down.  I don’t want to be near anyone or talk to anyone, unless they are going to coddle me and hold me tight.  Pitiful right?

I have always lived my life in a certain way.  Perhaps some would call me a snob.  I certainly have done my share of judging others.  I consider this entire process a horrifying lesson in being humble.  I am only now beginning to piece together the things that I must do to turn my life around…to transform myself and become the person I want to be.  And hopefully, I can find a way to help others at the same time.  Join me?

Talk to you later!

The Rippling Effect

The rippling effect of failure #1 has lasted about 12 days, and cost a total of about 5 pounds.  UGH!  So frustrating.  I had the perfect opportunity to workout extra last week, while the kid was with grandma, but I didn’t do it.  In fact, I only worked out ONE day (granted, it was for 2 hours, but still only counts as once). 

So, this week, as I forced myself into the fitness room at the end of the day, I was able to catch the last half of Oprah on TV.  She was interviewing this man named Michael (from Brooklyn) who weighed over 1,100 pounds, then over a span of 19 months, lost 800 of it to bring him to 198 pounds.  THEN, over the span of a few years, he put all 800 pounds back on!  Now, he has taken about 300-400 of it back off in the span of a few more years.

I listened to Michael talk about when he was heaviest, how he just wanted to live life.  Just be normal.  Then, I listened to interviews of when he was under 200 pounds, and he was talking about how good it felt, and how he would never go back again.  Of course, he did.  I have too.  I have dropped 70 pounds through blood, sweat and tears, only to gain it back over the span of a year or two.  In fact, I have done this three times!

I have several points of interest to this topic. 

One, I should not complain, because there are people out there with harder goals than I have.  I may not be able to roller skate right now, but I can walk, and live independently – probably things we all take for granted. 

Two, as Michael talked about how he had put it all back on…it started with a little cheeseburger celebration for getting below the 200 pound mark.  GEEZ!  I know how that is, except usually I eat when I feel sad, grumpy, or stressed.  And when I am in one of those moods,  I tend to pull out the “I don’t care” card.  NOT a good thing!

Michael discussed the prospect of having a surgery to help him lose weight…whether it is a band, or a bypass, whatever.  I have considered that, myself…but have to agree with Michael on his point of view regarding surgically enhanced weightloss: My disease is not in my stomach.  It is in my head.  They can put a bandaid on my stomach but it will not help the problem.  Until they can find a way to fix the disease in my head, there is no cure.  I have to deal with my eating habits in my head.

That is so true.  It goes back some to my previous post about knowing the WHY.

So, I am left feeling really scared.  I am struggling to stay on the train today…one day at a time, but fear the relapse.  I think today would be one of those days when I could use a little extra support and enthusiasm.

Test #1: Failed!

Yes, I FAILED test #1.  I was hit with a great sense of sadness on Monday when my son left.  Instead of turning to exercise or another activity, I sat online with brownies.  I don’t even much like brownies, but I must have eaten about 4 of them!  This was a minor bout of sadness compared to what I have faced in the past, and will, no doubt, face in the future. 

It was so easy to take the “I don’t care” attitude and lose myself.  Why?  Why do I do this?  Granted, I still lost 3 pounds this week, and it was only one night of weakness, but that is not the point.  I worked my butt off this week in the fitness center.  I won’t always have the time to do so.  The main issue is comfort eating, and I failed the test. 

I am certainly back on track, but I am also plagued by how easily I turned to food to relieve my stress and sadness.  Any tips?

An attack from China and then from Japan

I had a carb filled weekend.  Well, not “filled” but I did eat Chinese food for supper on Saturday with all of my family, and finished off my weekend with Japanese cuisine last night. 


Low carb is usually quite easy for me, but it becomes treacherous when I am not in familiar settings…i.e. going away for the weekend.  I no longer have control over my cooking environment, the pantry, and the desires of those around me.  Ah, who am I kidding…I was weak.  And I surely did not get my work out in, unless you count sitting on the blanket at the park or sitting on the blanket at the beach (really?!  Did you expect me to hobble over to the volleyball net and start a game?!) 

But, today, I am back on track, with only the dread of my failed weekend.  I was able to work out at lunchtime, and with a friend.  (That was very exciting).  Plus, I spent 1-1/2 hours mowing the lawn, AND the hill tonight.  I think that is success for today. 

One day at a time.