Category Archives: Self Discovery

Chinese Finger Trap

Chinese Finger TrapWe all know those crazy little wicker-y things that we would get in birthday party loot bags as youth.  Chinese finger traps.  You would stick a finger into each side of the contraption and BAM!  You were stuck.  If you tried to pull your fingers to free them, the trap would tighten itself like a boa constrictor.  The more you tried to break free, the more it would constrict and hold captive your fingers.

The only way out of the terror was to LET GO.  Let it go loose and stop pulling so hard.  Put your fingers at ease and you could then gently break free.

I am not sure how my thought process was directed to Chinese finger traps…truly there is no telling.  Then I got to thinking…

In my many struggles lately I have found that the more I try to do to pick up the pieces of life or to fix what is broken, the more broken things seem to become.  I have a best friend who keeps reminding me to let God do the work and for me to sit still…that is something I have never been good at doing.  But it makes sense…like the Chinese finger traps.

The more I am pulling the strings of my life trying to put things back together, the tighter life seems to be constricting around me.  It is frustrating…overwhelming…disappointing…maddening!  (Just like those stupid little wicker-y torture contraptions!)

Let GoIt is my time, once again, to LET GO and LET GOD.  To surrender my intents to the will of God.  It is His plan anyways…not sure why I keep trying to take control.  It is my human habit to try and take control, especially when I feel like I have no control over anything around me.

But God has a plan for me (AND for YOU).  In order for me to be free of my own finger trap, I have to relax, have faith, and let go of my own futile efforts.  I have to let God take control.

When I relax in His spirit, His Divine Presence will come into my life and fill me.  The binds of my own traps will fall free from me and I will not feel constricted…I will feel free.

Packing for War

large-3Once again, the flap on the backpack is ripped open and the packing begins.  The battle has been smoldering; the war just under the surface.  My mind is gearing up with defenses in place and a wall of protection quickly building up around me.  Protective isolation, a fallacy in its own right, offers false sense of security and peace.

My initial instinct is to grab for one of my comfort vices: food, cigarettes, nail-biting, acceptance and love from certain individuals; any of my past vices.  You know, those moments when you can no longer face the moment and you need to bury yourself in someone or something?  When confronted with a challenging obstacle, I seem either to grab the bull by the balls and make things happen, or (more recently) I melt away in fear and self doubt.  When did this happen?  More importantly, how did it happen?i_don__t_know_what_to_do____by_viva011-d4t2b6g

Even if we leave the past in the past…how do I move forward?  How can I grab the situation (or crisis) and tackle it with confidence?  Manipulate the negative into positive flowing energy?  How can I move past a “scary” potential consequence to live for the journey?  Consequences are negatively charged thoughts anyways, because the preparation for a consequence typically means you are planning for something to fail or go wrong.

At the apex, like a sweet cherry on top (yes, facetious roll of the eyes), there awaits admittance of failure and or weakness.  That is always my favorite life lesson to tackle.

I am faced again with a life decision; one that affects me and my son in a relatively big way.  I feel like I am alone, but I know that I am not.  I still want to bury my face in his shoulders, but I know I must put on my big girl panties and face the unknown and unpredictable.

I need to have the courage to stand up to my own mind and thoughts.  I actually successfully did this Saturday to prevent an anxiety meltdown.  I went in to the bathroom and found a song on my ipod.  I didn’t actually know I had the song, but I had heard it before.  Needless to say, the song spoke to my soul and began to help transform my thoughts.  I wrote some of the lyrics on post it notes and stuck them to the mirror (life affirmations).  I felt much better after that.

Listening to that song, I did experience a slight epiphany.

I fell down
…and I tumbled.
But I did not crumble!

“I did not crumble.”  I think back on several times in my life when I did crumble.  I gave up on living because of my fear to just “be.”  But I realize I don’t want to do that right now.  I don’t want to crumble.  I am stronger than that and I think I am at a place in my life where I actually realize that, without needing substantiation from another person.

Still, the doubt creeps back in.  The “what ifs” and fears of the unknown still wield weapons in my mind, demanding action in battle.  I have to find a way to be okay with whatever happens, no matter what happens.  Is that unreasonable?

Where will I lay my head tonight?

A year in review…I certainly haven’t been blogging this year.  In fact, when I go back and think about all of the “life” I was living this year, it blows my mind.  When I think about all of the events that tried to break me this year, it boggles my mind.  But even more boggling is the fact that 2014, which I have dubbed the worst year of my life, was also the most amazing year!  I have been humbled beyond belief; have learned SO MUCH about myself; have renewed my faith and hope in life.  I have found my inner love again.

I spent a bigger part of the year without a job and homeless.  My son even lived with his father for several months to finish out the school year.  In the meantime, I stayed with a treasure trove of family and friends.  At the hardest single point in my life, God sent me family and friends who opened their doors and hearts to me.  I was able to stay with family members that I had not spent time with in…decades?  I built stronger relationships with them than I could ever have done otherwise.  Friends too…Family is not always blood.  I tend to build my own family…some blood, and some divine.  This year, my family grew exponentially!

As for a job…I was without any form of income for a few months before unemployment kicked in.  I looked and looked for jobs…in a few states, even.  At the time, I just knew God was punishing me.  In hindsight, I realize He was setting the stage for an even bigger lesson.  When my household went from two incomes to one, I learned to do without.  I thought I was big and bad because I was sacrificing my manicures and restaurant meals for my son and I.  For our future.

Pish posh.  I realize how conceited and horrible that was. Because this year…this year I truly learned what sacrifice and going without really means.  I spent a good portion of the year wondering where I would get food for the next day, or where I would lay my head that night, or the next night, or the next.  I finally got on food stamps and Medicaid…very hard for me to do.  I am always the one trying to help people. It was very humbling to be the one asking for help.  I felt degraded and demoralized.  But humbled.   It was with the Medicaid that I was forced to see a new doctor…one who was able to properly diagnose me with Type II Diabetes.  I had spent the prior year so tired all of the time and without energy.  I finally received an answer why, and decided to try and get healthier.

So, in the midst of all of the drama, I began to exercise.  Realize…I had gained back all 80 of the pounds I had lost a few years ago.  I had to start all over again.  Chair exercises and lack of food saw me drop the first 20 pounds.  Throughout the year, I was able to lose a total of 68 pounds!

UsI had an angel, a friend from years past, call me about a job she had heard about.  I was living in Pennsylvania at the time, looking for work in Maryland, and my friend was in Florida (where I used to live).  The job was for a former boss, a dynamo woman whose passion for helping others is incendiary.  I got the job and we decided to move from Maryland (where we lived for the past 10 years) to Florida…”back home.”  The job itself is amazing, a great opportunity, and a chance to help the senior citizens of our local area.  It is an amazing blessing.

This year, we also lost all of our material possessions.  Everything we owned was in storage.  Without a job, and trying to find a way for us, I was not able to pay the storage bill and we lost everything we owned save what was in our van.  Like my mother when I was five, we moved to Florida to start over…with only what we had in our vehicle.  My mother, my lifelong hero, had left her shoes to me.

My son and I stayed with a dear friend from high school and her husband until we could get a place of our own.  We were super blessed to find the cute little townhouse that we live in.

Throughout the year, there were many other CRAZY events (you probably wouldn’t believe me) and each of those events and/or losses created a bond with someone that I will forever cherish.  Again, my family grew and I have found my love in the hearts of those around me.

That is where the new year finds us. We have a roof over our heads, a job, safety, food, health, and happiness.  We still don’t have a couch or TV in the living room and I am still sleeping on an air mattress, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.


humble-heartHumbled seems to be the word of the year.  In every way, humbled.

I must humble myself to write this now, after taking so long away.  And this entire year has been…well, horrifying and amazing.  No other way to describe it.

But I won’t make this a summary.  I am just humbled to God for his care, guidance and love.  I praise and thank him for his answered prayers; and for the pure love and joy lifting my soul…a sensation only God can provide.  In a year full of uncertainty, hardship, and mental chaos, God did provide.  He provided for me, and for Ashton.  He provided for us in so many ways…even when I had nothing to give back but my heart.

My soul is on fire for the Spirit.  I know I am not worthy, but I also know that God is working through me and for me and for those I love.  It is an amazing place to be…particularly when your world has been turned upside down over and over.  I am so grateful for all of the opportunities this year to come to God and surrender.  Surrender is humbling, but also can be mind blowing.  It is amazing the plans God has for us compared to our own attempts of imagining and dreaming.  Make no mistake: You must be open to the blessings and God’s guidance.  But when you are, it is powerful and life changing…no words to describe.

This is one of those moments of thankfulness.  A privileged moment of insight and clarity.

I have been having troubles with Ashton.  He has hit puberty and turned into a monster almost overnight.  He is making a hobby out of testing boundaries and joyfully expressing defiance.  I literally found myself on my knees two weeks ago.  On my knees to God, praying for some sort of help.  Some sort of guidance.  I am so ill equipped for dealing with a 12 year old son hitting puberty.  I don’t even know what is normal…I prayed fiercely for an answer.

Then in less than two weeks, my prayers are answered in multiple ways by multiple people from across the United States.  Now, I don’t mean that Ashton is fixed, and the problem is gone.  That is not what God is all about.  God is about helping us get through the difficult times in life.  He has sent some Angels to interfere and guide.  Some of the people have been part of my life forever.  Some are brand new popping into our lives like magic…out of thin air.  Some are helping and guiding me.  Some are helping and guiding Ashton.  It is like we are all of a sudden surrounded by God’s Angels.  I know there is no magic potion that will help Ashton, but I do know that God is helping.  If God is helping, I know Ashton is going to be okay, and so will I.  I know our Great Father will provide for us, both directly and indirectly through others.  God’s presence strengthens me in the present and helps me vision tomorrow with peace.

For this, I am completely humbled, amazed, and in awe.

How I work…

I took an online survey (a sidebar from the Career Development I am reading in preparation for my grad class in September) and found the following:

Your Assessment

    You excel at working independently and need little guidance when completing projects. Managers love that you are able to take a set of project guidelines and hit the ground running with little input from other team members. Like other introverts, you prefer working in a private space to spending time in a conference room or other group environment. Working alone gives you the energy to power through tough assignments and get things done quickly, making you a valuable asset to any employer. E-mail is your preferred method of communication, as it lets you think about what you are going to say before you send a message.

    You thrive on collaboration and love to exchange ideas with your colleagues. A noisy office area or crowded conference room is the best place for you to get creative and find solutions to challenges. Your colleagues love the fact that you are able to approach just about anyone, so you may find yourself representing your team at meetings or off-site events where social skills are just as important as business skills. You’ll have no problem succeeding at these events, as networking with others is a breeze for an extravert like you. Working with others gives you the energy you need to produce top results.

    When it’s time for you to make a decision, you’re the type to “believe it when you see it.” Rather than relying on your imagination, you rely on concrete facts and statistics. Supervisors love your rational approach to problem-solving, which helps you identify the potential pitfalls of business deals before your colleagues do. Rather than make on-the-spot decisions, you prefer to gather as much information as possible. This approach to your work makes you a reliable team member who others count on when it’s time to make tough decisions. You thrive in careers that require excellent analytical skills and strong problem-solving abilities.

    Your approach to problem-solving allows you to thrive in careers that require creativity and imagination. Rather than filling your mind with statistics and facts, you prefer to rely on your own imagination to come up with solutions and innovative ideas for new products or services. While some people prefer a step-by-step approach to problem-solving, you prefer to make imaginative leaps from one point to another. Your colleagues benefit from this approach, as it helps you come to conclusions that step-by-step thinkers would not come up with on their own. Managers especially appreciate your ability to come up with unique ways to solve problems.

    As a rational thinker, you prefer to rely on concrete information rather than emotions or instinct. Colleagues value your logical approach to problem-solving, especially when critical decisions need to be made. Managers rely on your use of logic to solve complex problems, so you are a valued team member in any environment. Although you prefer to use logic when making decisions, you still have the ability to “go with your gut” when necessary. The ability to use logic even under the toughest of circumstances will help you succeed in careers involving technology and scientific processes.

    While some people prefer to deal with concrete information when making decisions, you rely on your instincts to guide you. Emotions and feelings play an important role in your decision-making process, so you are used to dealing with some level of uncertainty on the job. Your ability to roll with the punches helps you succeed in the toughest work environments, and colleagues rely on your gut feelings to guide them in making their own decisions. You have a high level of emotional intelligence, so you excel in careers that require the ability to read other people and use the information you gather to make decisions.

    How you perform your job tasks is more important to you than the tasks themselves. This is a good thing, as focusing on these processes helps you learn and grow as a person. You place a high level of importance on learning new things and understanding exactly why things work as they do. This emphasis on learning helps you develop new skills that will increase your worth as an employee and help you qualify for special projects or promotions. You do best when performing clearly-defined tasks and participating in work activities that have a clear agenda.

    Results-oriented people like yourself thrive in challenging environments where the end result is more important than the process used to achieve a task. When you are assigned a new project, you picture the end result in your mind and work to achieve that result as quickly as possible. Managers rely on you to make quick decisions that will help the entire team get the best result possible, and colleagues value your ability to get things done. Your results-oriented approach motivates other people to act quickly, so you may excel as a team leader, supervisor, or manager.

    Having an opportunity to move around during the workday isn’t something that is important to you. Instead, you love to spend time sitting at your desk and powering through everything from routine tasks to unexpected challenges. As someone who prefers a stationary career, a desk job will actually cause you less stress than a job that has you moving constantly. Spending a lot of time at your desk also gives you the time you need to think about your work and make good decisions. Managers appreciate that you are usually available for impromptu meetings or telephone calls.

    You prefer to be on the go most of the time, whether you are attending a meeting across town or escorting clients on a tour of your city. Jobs that require a lot of desk time do not appeal to your sense of adventure. You excel in jobs that require a great deal of flexibility, as you are more than willing to drop what you are doing and start a new task in a new location. You may also enjoy jobs that require athletic prowess or physical stamina, as they make use of your natural tendency to move around while making decisions.

    You thrive in careers that require frequent contact with your clients and colleagues. Although you have the ability to work independently, you do not value independence above face time with those who need you most. Your supervisors love the fact that they never have to wonder where you are, and colleagues appreciate that you make yourself available to assist them with projects and listen to their ideas. You are perfectly content to spend most of your time in the office, so a traditional 9-to-5 job would appeal to you more than a job that required telecommuting.

    When it comes to interacting with colleagues, supervisors, and clients, you prefer e-mail and telephone conversations to actual face time. You thrive when you are able to work off-site, especially if you are able to make your own schedule. Freelance jobs and non-traditional jobs appeal to you because they give you the freedom to set your own hours and work when you are at your peak performance. Clients and managers don’t mind giving you a lot of flexibility, as you achieve the best results when you are allowed to set your own pace and decide when and where you will work.

    While some people avoid distractions during work hours, you thrive on them. You love when colleagues stop by your office to discuss upcoming projects or ask for your input in solving a work-related problem. Instead of being annoyed by ringing telephones and clicking computer keys, you find it almost impossible to work without some sort of background noise. It is actually easier for you to meet deadlines when you have a few distractions, as you prefer breaking work sessions into small chunks of time rather than working straight through without any interruptions.

    You excel in careers that require a great deal of concentration, especially when you are able to work in a quiet environment that does not have a lot of distractions. Colleagues and supervisors rely on you to buckle down and focus on the details, as your personality makes it easy for you to get through marathon work sessions that would get the best of other employees. Your ideal work environment is one that has very little foot traffic, as you do not like to be disturbed by visitors or people who have to walk past your work area to get to other parts of the office.

    You are somewhat of a perfectionist when it comes to your work methods. Rather than use the same process for every task, you love to explore new ways of doing things. Increasing efficiency and improving the quality of your work are always at the front of your mind. You excel in careers that give you plenty of opportunities for finding new ways to solve problems or perfect processes. What works for others may not work for you, so colleagues and supervisors think of you as an innovative person who will settle for nothing less than the best when it comes to getting things done.

    While some people are never content with their work processes, you are happy to stick with the status quo. You are one of those people who find a way to automate every task possible, so your colleagues think of you as someone who is efficient and committed to maintaining a high level of productivity. Computers, smart phones, and other gadgets are your most trusted tools, as you use them to automate routine tasks that require very little in the way of concentration. Because you are content with routine, you do not get bored as easily as people who enjoy finding new ways to complete tasks.

    Because you are naturally averse to taking financial risks, you prefer to receive a fixed salary or hourly wage. You shy away from positions that involve incentive plans or commissions, as they do not offer you the financial stability you desire. Receiving a fixed income helps you budget for expenses and determine how much money you need to save to meet your financial goals. If you have family members who rely on you for their basic needs, choosing a guaranteed salary over a base salary plus performance-based commissions helps you meet your obligations and put away money for the future.

    When it comes to your compensation, you are willing to take a risk if it means that you will make more money than you would if you accepted a fixed salary. You jump at the chance to take jobs that pay a base salary plus commissions, bonuses, or incentive payments. Because your performance affects how much money you make, you strive to do your best at every task. Colleagues and managers alike think of you as a go-getter who refuses to accept anything less than a first-place finish. This drive helps you earn as much income as possible while enjoying the personal satisfaction of achieving your goals.

Attitude Extravert 100.00%
Information Imagination 100.00%
Processing Emotional 100.00%
Action Process 100.00%
Endurance Stationary 100.00%
Presence Present 100.00%
Concentration Focused 100.00%
Patterns Discover 100.00%
Compensation Fixed 100.00%

Well, I suppose it makes me sound like I have a bipolar work style…well, I do now that I think about it.  There are times when I want to be locked away from distraction to focus on minute details of a big project, and there are times when socializing helps me to loosen up and get ideas and creativity flowing.  When I am disrupted by coworkers seeking advice or “someone to talk to” just the very thought that I have helped them in some way inspires and motivates me.  It can make the rest of my day brilliant and I am able to improve my productivity.
Hmmm…what does yours say:

Work in Progress

Work in progressYes, Lord, I am a work in progress…YOUR work in progress.

I don’t believe I have ever claimed to be perfect, but I work every day to be a better person to myself and those around me.

I try to let God’s love shine through me by expressing to others:

  • love
  • patience
  • kindness
  • compassion
  • understanding
  • grace
  • mercy

This is how I believe God works on me each day.  When I am able to focus graciously on the people around me, somehow, God ends up enriching my existence.  I am proud to be a work in progress, because I know that no matter how bad today might seem, I will always be a little better tomorrow.

Praise His name!

This is what I mean about helping others…Dalai Lama has it right!

To be contented human beings we need trust and friendship, which tends to develop much better once we realise that all beings have a right to happiness, just as we do. Taking others’ interests into account not only helps them, it also helps us. Warm-heartedness and concern for others are a part of human nature and are at the core of positive human values.

Making Myself Pray

It is not that I won’t…or that I don’t want to.  But my brain is always in so many other places.  The only successful way I have been able to pray is in sporatic little spurt bursts throughout my day, literally as the moment hits.

IMG_20130605_210510When someone asks me to pray for them, or when they are stuggling and I offer prayer, I have made it a habit to stop and pray right then for them.  (Because I used to forget altogether!)  And there is nothing worse then saying that you will pray for someone, and then not taking a moment to connect your heart with theirs and offer the energy and love only God can provide.

I have been struggling to try and strengthen my prayer life.  I have always admired people who could sit in silence and contemplation.  I am simply not that person…but I want a piece of that inaction!

I think I have found a solution!

My son gave me a journal with our family’s favorite verse, Jeremiah 29:11 on it.  I already have a journal and wanted to find a unique and special way to use this one.  Then one day, God whispered an idea…use it as a prayer book.  Instead of just making a list of people or causes to pray for, write out my prayers.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declared the Lord.  “Plans to prosper you…plans to give you hope and a future.” 
~Jeremiah 29:11

Each night, I sit and take a few deep contemplative breaths to calm my body and soul.  And I begin praying.  I write my prayers in the journal and am very specific.  I call by name my brothers and sisters and ask God to walk with them, heal them, or soften their hearts…whatever His will to be done.  The simple act of writing keeps my focus on His grace.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
~James 5:16

My youngest son made me a bookmark for Mother’s Day.  I have decided to use this special artistic creation to keep track of what day I am on in my prayer journal.  Each night when I open the journal, I pray for my oldest son.  When I remove the bookmark, I pray for my youngest son.  What blessings they both are in my life.

TIMG_20130605_210519he bookmark says:

My Mom is better than your Mom because she lets me have so much fun my head almost explodes.  My Mom is so nice when we go to Shoppers she lets me buy all the cookies they have.  She’s so cool she can bust out a rap anywhere anytime.  My Mom can produce a TV show faster than you can say onomatopoeia. My Mom’s so nice she bakes cakes every day for charity.  When my Mom walks outside the sun starts to shine and the birds start to chirp.  My Mom’s so smart she knows everything in the world.

Do you have an empty journal book sitting at home?  An old spiral notebook?  Make it a habit to spend time each day with God…I am sure there are people in your life who need your prayers.  ❤

Raw Faith

This week I watched a really heartfelt documentary called Raw Faith.  Marilyn (read below) made some amazing statements that I think describe the kind of woman I am and want to be.  She is very insightful, and has learned to turn the struggles of her life into love and help for others.

raw faithRaw Faith is an intimate and revealing documentary that follows two years in the private life of Marilyn Sewell, an outspoken and socially progressive Unitarian minister who has re-energized her Portland community.
While serving a community that relies on her for wisdom and advice (on both personal and ethical issues), Marilyn struggles quietly with decisions about her own future. As she seeks to reconcile the commitments of her profession with a longing for intimacy and love, childhood memories of mental illness and alcoholism come back to the surface – and must be dealt with before she can move forward.

As Marilyn’s life unfolds in front of the camera (in real time), she shares her journey with remarkable candor, humor and increasing wisdom, ultimately leading her to an unexpected revelation of faith and love in all of its guises.

Some of the quotes from Marilyn Sewell, former Unitarian Minister:

I’m not there to fix him; I’m not there to help him in any way.  I’m not a doctor or social worker.  I’m there to be with – to provide an opening for him to be precisely who he is and to be accepted for precisely who he is.  That’s very powerful

The most powerful thing we can bring to anyone in any situation is our full presence.

Sometimes when people come in with very terrible, sad stories, and they do, I sometimes find myself smiling.  Sometimes people will be taken aback and they’ll say “Well I just said something that seems to me pretty sad, so why are you smiling?” And sometimes I’ve had to say, “Because I find you so beautiful right now.  Because I know we all suffer and that we all are going to go through hard times.  And right now you’re going through your very hard time but all of us do that and you’re doing that so honestly and so beautifully and so truthfully. So when I see truth and honesty the way I see in your face and in your tears, it really makes me happy.

Check her out for yourself

What is the happiest age?

Tonight was the first night of my Human Development class (I am working for a MS in Pastoral Counseling at Loyola University Maryland) and we had some interesting conversation.

wb051432Our professor had us break up into groups to answer some questions.  The first of these questions was, “Which age do you think is the ‘best’ and why?”  She said she was purposefully ambiguous with this particular question, as we technically have an emotional age, a physical age, a birth age, etc.

One of my team members began the conversation saying she thought the mid-20s was the best, because people are still enjoying their youth, but are really beginning to find themselves.  Another stated that he had heard the 30s through the 40s were the least happy age.  We discussed how that could be because it is a large transition into “real” adulthood.

To me, looking back over my own life span, I felt like all of the ages were good.  All stages in my life had been met with struggle and with triumph…with tears and with laughter.

I figured if she was going to be ambiguous with her question, I was going to be ambiguous with my answer.  The “best” age, in my opinion, was NOW.  After all, I am smarter now than I have ever been, and I have a future to look forward to.

If we live in our past, thinking any of those times were the best or the worst, perhaps we are living with regrets, or living with the mindset that we are failing.  If we live in our dreams of the future (i.e. when I finally finish this degree, then  I will be happy, or when I finally win the lottery then I will be happy), then me miss so much of our lives.

Philosophically speaking, the past and the future do not exist.  Only the present does.  The past is the past and that is all it can ever be.  The future is not much more than a figment of our own imaginations, as there is no guarantee of a future for any of us.

Living in the present, in the NOW, is the greatest gift we can achieve, and it is the only way to find true happiness, no matter what circumstance envelops us in the now.  It is the greatest and happiest age, so enjoy it!

This is Our Time

this is our timeI  watched a really good movie last night. Actually, the movie was okay, but I picked up a message in it. Movie is called “This is Our Time” and it is a Spiritual movie on Netflix. The message was about God having purpose for each of us…

It was about 5 friends who graduate college. 4 go off and begin their lives in big ways, 2 of which become missionaries to lepars in India.
The 5th guy, who stays behind to work in his Dad’s restaurant because he was not accepted into Grad school, feels like God has forgotten him. When he consults with a former college professor, the professor explains to him that God’s plan is not about DOING…it is about BEING. 
Being?  Somehow, that really sat with me for awhile.  In my own life, I have been so worried about not “doing” enough lately.  In fact, our family is planning a new ministry project, because I felt like God was calling me to “do” more (I still feel he is, but in my mind it was because I am not doing enough).  Doing…it is a noble effort, but in the end, God has a plan for who we are to BE.  Think of all of the people who go to church each week, but never BEcome children of His word and receivers of His great love.  They spend their life doing, without ever being who God truly wants them to be.
We are to BE the beacon of God’s light for those in trouble to see.  We are to be loving, caring, and patient followers of His word and truth.  We are to be gentle and kind to those in need.  God simply wants us to be His child. 
Ultimately, this “throwaway guy” ends up being the one who holds everyone together when one of the 5 friends dies.  He was the friend who could always bring them all back together…because that is the person he was, not because it was something he felt he had to “do”.
He is reminded that God’s purpose is not for us to do. I mean, yes, we do things to help people, etc. But even when we do not feel active in His ministry, we are still living His purpose.  If you want to know what it is to BE God’s child, email me.