Repeated Failure OR Why I Eat


Cupcake contemplates Domino’s too. She loves those garlic knot thingies.

The thing about setting goals, is that there will always be failure.  over and over failure.  Especially when you are setting LIFE ALTERING goals.  Losing weight is not just the simple goal of ridding yourself of excess “stuff.”  It is a battle that can sometimes consume you (pardon the pun) moment to moment.

And because each moment takes sheer, life-altering strength, each moment also possesses potential for failure.

Each moment is a struggle that is physical, emotional, sometimes spiritual.  Oh please, have you never gotten in the guilt battle with your self because you are not treating your body like a temple to God:  It is His gift to me, and I have all of my fingers and toes and am very fortunate, but I don’t even show my appreciation to God by eating healthy?  It is even better when reinforced my “those who love you.”

Sometimes the struggle is about happiness.  I feel so miserable right now, but I know that garlic knot thingy from Domino’s will make me happy.  Even for just a moment.  Now, tell me how that CANNOT result in a massive battle between why you make food so important in your life, and why you cannot seem to be capable of making your own self happy.

Sometimes it is physical.  And by physical, I mean both perceived and real physical struggles.  Sometimes there is this deep hunger that is just that…feeling hungry.  No matter what you do or don’t do, the feeling never feels satiated.  You can eat yourself sick, and you still have hunger pangs.  What the hell is that?!  Seems kind of not fair.  But that is the way it is sometimes.  They feel very REAL, whether or not they are perceived.

THEN, you have everything else to still worry about on top of it.  Consistently being judged and criticized…by YOUR OWN SELF, by others, always feeling like you are failing everyone because your focus is always set on that internal hunger struggle.  It really can be consuming.

I just read back…guess I might be changing the title of this one, because I seem to have gotten sidetracked.  lol  typical me.  Love me for my rant, I suppose.

Back to the failures at hand…

Admitting failure is another internal struggle for me.  Avoiding admitting failure is more my style.  I have this wonderful website that helps me to track my weight loss goals, and food, and other statistics.  http://www.myfitnesspal.com in case you are interested.

I am GREAT at tracking everything, when  I am doing everything right, which is NOT very often.  (It is very hard to work on NOT eating, while ALSO working on getting your overly heavy bottom off the couch and moving it!  Those are two totally different beasts within).

Oops, speaking of failure…pizza is here.  Talk to you later!  🙂

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2 thoughts on “Repeated Failure OR Why I Eat

  1. I understand what you mean. Sometimes I know that I will feel guilty about eating Cheesy, Meaty, Oily, lasagna (remember…vegan here!) but I do it anyway. Sometimes I tell myself “Ill start again tomorrow.” , “I have been good today”, “I have already messed up today…the diet is ruined today anyway.”, or “Just one piece. That’s it.”. All of them are ways I fool myself. I decided to try and see it as a form of a spiritual fast. I think I already told you this, but I think it helped a bit. I still mess up… but when I do its not just myself I have to answer to. I cannot wait to become officially Catholic. That priest is going to get so fed up when I am confessing about food constantly!! 🙂

    Love you,
    Tess

  2. I hear ya! I am having the same exact struggle at the moment. It is so hard sometimes. I haven’t lost anything in a month and am frustrated about it. My personal trainer said I now have to eat 100% clean in order to keep losing. Once I get to my goal weight I can have cheat meals and slip up occasionally because that is how you maintain. *sigh* but until then, it will be a struggle. Glad I’m not the only one!

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